From the computer of Peter Clark

In 1965, the typical married father barely spent half an hour each day actively engaged in childcare, according to the best time-use data we have1. Today, Millennial thirty-something dads typically spend more than 80 daily minutes changing diapers, reading and playing with their children, driving them to soccer practice, and going over homework.

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While fathers spend more time playing sports with their children, mothers spend more than twice as much time providing medical care, planning appointments, and taking care of the so-called mental load of parenting (i.e., not just driving your kid to the birthday party, but also remembering that classmate’s birthday party existed in the first place and buying a present ahead of time). In fact, the more stressful the childcare activity is, the more likely mothers are to do it.

I thought this was really interesting because whilst a 4x increase seems like a lot it works out that the average Dad is spending ~50 minutes per day solo with the kids but Mum is spending double that time, ~106 minutes per day, solo with the kids.

I live in NYC in a huge building and have made friends with so many of my neighbors. Having a kid helps — it’s easy to meet parents of other kids on the local playground and older people like to engage with little ones. Once after chatting in the elevator with a woman in her 90s about my toddler’s potty training, she stopped by with a potty training book that had a sticker chart. He loved it and was so enchanted that she brought it by especially for him. We became friendly — turns out she is a playwright. Eventually she invited us to the debut of one of her plays and my husband went while I wrangled the toddler. It was on a weeknight somewhere deep in Harlem. He said that at the end he realized another neighbor, our doorman and the building super were in the audience too — just the whole building quietly supporting her.

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